Thursday, February 21, 2013

Try then judge ...

I am fed up, mad, angry, furious ... name it.

I am fed up of people who know better. Of people they think that the fact that once said Hello to them give them an instant card to judge every of my single moves, every of single words.

It's getting very hard to endure the contempt, every single day.

Today, my switch went off. That was too painful, too hard to read ...

I was on a chat I go often to practice my languages (I speak 4 - remains of my former life) and a friend was asking me about the cats.

A random guy passing by asked:

"Why was the cat attacked by a coyote at the first place? Why wasn't it inside?"

Judgements, easy.

Normally I would have defend myself, as if I would have been guilty of a humongous crime.

Today I haven't. Those words went straight to my heart like blades. The pain of losing Baptiste, or any of the cats who died recently is so there, all the time, screaming in my chest. I just couldn't.

I went berserk. I said tons to the guys. I don't even remember all.

But all I know is this.
Try it.
Before judging try it.

Try seeing a cat on your porch screaming of pain 'cause it hasn't eaten for days, 'cause it's alone, 'cause it's cold.

Try seeing them everyday with their cute face, try to say no to one that is a newcomer and begs with its eyes.

Try to endure the constant pressure of people wanting you to explain them why don't you take that one they are offering you.

Try to find them a safe place when all is deconstructed here, when it's -20 outside.

Try to sleep at night when you hear the coyotes through the woods

Try to invest your personal money to have them cured or every possible diseases they might have when arriving 'cause the person who just left it there was not as responsible as you are, to have them vaccinated, the cure the wounds where there are battles with other animals ... 'cause yeah of course you try to protect them, but good lord you are not God.

Try not to cry, when after all the efforts you've put, they finally die.

Try to be there 3 times a day to feed them well.

Try to search for them by - 25 on a windy night

Try to get out of your bed at 2:00 am in the morning when you hear one screaming (and then figure out it's not yours)

Just try.

Then you'll be able to judge.

Baptiste was not in the barn that day.
No Baptiste was not inside.
No I can't bring Baptiste inside.
Yes I could if I would. But would you live with 20 cats in your home?
No, then why should I?

Baptiste would have died at the tender age of 3 months old if that wasn't for me. Were you the person who stopped the guy holding the gun that wanted to kill him and his 3 brothers?
No? I was.

Then why don't you just shut up?

9 comments:

  1. good for you! give him an earful! and keep doing what you are doing and pretend you don't understand his language! there are a lot of assholes out there!

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    1. yeah... judging people being a national sport

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  2. Good for you, I have run animal rescue centres single handed and know how difficult it is, I understand all your points, unfortunately there are too many morons out there who haven't got a clue.

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    1. Exactly. They just see the result, not the kind of life the animal had before and after the intervention. Of course Baptiste would have been better inside, but he chose not to ... But yeah Morons really

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  3. I am sorry this thoughtless idiot felt that they had the right to judge someone they do not even know. The only positive part of the encounter is that you were able to get some of the pain you have been experiencing out of your system. When one is in such mental pain it can be part of the healing process to say exactly what you are thinking & write it down just as you did. The circimstances were surely not ideal, but you were able to get some of your emotions out and that may help ease your burden. You are absolutely right that no one has a right to judge or comment on your life, particularly a stranger eavesdropping on your conversation. As you get older, it becomes easier to not give a rats ass what others have to say about you. I do not give people that power anymore. This situation was different in that you are so raw with emotion about the cats deaths. But for less emotional things in life that pthers will judge you on, the person judging you is not worth wasting your energy on. You can take their power away by not reacting to them at all. We can't control the situation, but we can control how we react. I hope the person that made the comment to you will think long & hard before they do something like that again. You have nothing to be guilty about & you know the truth,

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    1. you are so right. Though, I don't see the day when I'll be less sensitive really ... But I am still hoping to be one day. Thanks

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  4. You will never be less sensitive, because that is the way you are made - a caring, compassionate lady. I've been rescuing animals for many (many) years, and it doesn't get any easier, each time one dies, it takes a piece of your heart too, but you just 'have' to keep on. Look after yourself, try to rise above the ignorance and uncaring attitude of others, they're not worth it.

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  5. Yes I agree with Ellen, you are clearly still very upset about this, so hopefully getting it off your chest to this ignorant person helps. However, I really do not understand the question "Why wasn't it inside?" Its a cat! that's why! Over here in the towns they don't even keep their dogs inside at night, let alone a cat. Cats hunt and prowl at night, have fantastic night vision, and don't have to be inside even if it is very cold. They have a fur coat on and will find somewhere to curl up and keep warm. So, please don't beat yourself up over it. It is very hard to go outside and track down a cat at night, almost impossible! Good for you for giving him a piece of your mind, but cherie... be kind to yourself too.

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  6. I am sorry for what ever has caused your pain in this blog above. Not sure what. Last Sunday our Pastor was sharing about him being angry. He said he did not even know why. He asked God and God spoke to His heart, fear, your afraid to be alone; but you are not alone I AM with you. And so often I have reacted out of fear and then felt the same way , why am I so upset. So I pray you draw comfort and strength through knowing God knows your situation and He loves You. May that draw you close to Him . And may that help you not wear the battle scars of some unkind person over your shoulders. I am really sorry your hurting . (We lived on 80 acres and we had cats and dogs, coyotes never bothered them) Today with houses going up and all our woods going down there is no place for them to go and loosing feeding grounds where we live. We have some skinny coyotes in our neighbors field behind us that give us a song at night now and then.

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