I am fed up, mad, angry, furious ... name it.
I am fed up of people who know better. Of people they think that the fact that once said Hello to them give them an instant card to judge every of my single moves, every of single words.
It's getting very hard to endure the contempt, every single day.
Today, my switch went off. That was too painful, too hard to read ...
I was on a chat I go often to practice my languages (I speak 4 - remains of my former life) and a friend was asking me about the cats.
A random guy passing by asked:
"Why was the cat attacked by a coyote at the first place? Why wasn't it inside?"
Normally I would have defend myself, as if I would have been guilty of a humongous crime.
Today I haven't. Those words went straight to my heart like blades. The pain of losing Baptiste, or any of the cats who died recently is so there, all the time, screaming in my chest. I just couldn't.
I went berserk. I said tons to the guys. I don't even remember all.
But all I know is this.
Before judging try it.
Try seeing a cat on your porch screaming of pain 'cause it hasn't eaten for days, 'cause it's alone, 'cause it's cold.
Try seeing them everyday with their cute face, try to say no to one that is a newcomer and begs with its eyes.
Try to endure the constant pressure of people wanting you to explain them why don't you take that one they are offering you.
Try to find them a safe place when all is deconstructed here, when it's -20 outside.
Try to sleep at night when you hear the coyotes through the woods
Try to invest your personal money to have them cured or every possible diseases they might have when arriving 'cause the person who just left it there was not as responsible as you are, to have them vaccinated, the cure the wounds where there are battles with other animals ... 'cause yeah of course you try to protect them, but good lord you are not God.
Try not to cry, when after all the efforts you've put, they finally die.
Try to be there 3 times a day to feed them well.
Try to search for them by - 25 on a windy night
Try to get out of your bed at 2:00 am in the morning when you hear one screaming (and then figure out it's not yours)
Then you'll be able to judge.
Baptiste was not in the barn that day.
No Baptiste was not inside.
No I can't bring Baptiste inside.
Yes I could if I would. But would you live with 20 cats in your home?
No, then why should I?
Baptiste would have died at the tender age of 3 months old if that wasn't for me. Were you the person who stopped the guy holding the gun that wanted to kill him and his 3 brothers?
No? I was.
Then why don't you just shut up?