Monday, April 1, 2013

The odds

Mae West - August 13th, 2006
Ikori - September 13th, 2006
Pretzel - November 9th, 2006
Reglisse - December 1st,2006
Ti-noir - July 2012
Leon - September 22nd, 2012
Pirouline - January 25th, 2013
Strudel - February 2nd, 2013
Moutarde - February 4th, 2013
Glouton - February 5th, 2013
Baptiste - February 14th, 2013
Vanille - February 14th, 2013
Small gray kitten - March 8th 2013
Small black kitten - March 28th 2013
Paul - March 31st 2013
Dijon - March 31st 2013

And then, people wonders why I am emotionally unbalanced.

They say it's because I have plenty ... that the odds are higher. False. I know tons of people who have cats, barn and indoor one, never ever do I hear about such bad luck.

Paul is dead. Can you believe that? My Paul is dead. The cat that I fell in love with. The cat I was having like the deepest, nicest connection with died yesterday hit by a car, that didn't even stop just in front of my house. What was he doing there? No idea. I mean he normally goes to play in the barn in the morning with his brother and the other barn cat. Never did I see him coming near the road. I check my cats normally when they are outside. I am sat in front of the only window of the house where I can see what's going on in that area.
When they go near the road I normally go outside and tell them not to go there.
And normally they come back. I never saw Paul going there.

But, that's not the point of my message today. The point of my message today is to ask "what the fuck life?". Yeah seriously what the fuck?

'Cause if that was for the cats "only". I say only but geez we all know that losing so much in a so short period of time is like taking your heart out, dragging into the mud, putting it in a shredders, batter it in rocks and try trying to putting back into place.

But no, it's not just the cats. I have the cats and then I have the other "normal twists" of life.

Just a list, no details, but a frightening one. From 2000 to now I had to go through the following events:

-Death of 16 cats (starting in 2006, ... count it .. it's like around 2-3 cats per year!)
- Cancer of my mom
- Diseases on both my parents
- My own disease
- 4 miscarriages
- 3 failed adoption proposals (among them one after we were preparing the room (like they were telling us it was 100% sure))
- 1 death of a friend
- 1 sue (for a thing I wasn't even responsible of - I've been absolved but still ... )
- 1 death of my best friend
- 1 Depression
- 1 major misdiagnosed who brought me ton of problem and made me lose my insurance
- 1 closing of a business
- Multiple rejections from friends due to various circumstances (among them ... the fact that I was having a strange life)
- Fraud
- Rejection from my entire in law family
- Major feud with my in-laws

And I am not talking about all the little things that bug us.

I used to have a co-worker who would say "A quiet day in your life is like an awake nightmare in mine".

She was so right.

I feel like I am in constant fight. I dream of a day I would wake up and feel secure. 'cause I am not feeling 
safe anymore. I mean some people would say "I ask for it" but geez, all these things have brought me to a state where I just can't handle more.

I am done.


  1. I am so sorry about Paul, and I see there is another loss, same day. Sometimes life hurts... but you just have to wake up, breathe, and start over again, otherwise it doesn't mean anything anymore. Saying a prayer for you daily for a while...

  2. The Universe doesn't give us that which we can't handle, no matter how hard it seems at times. You will get through this. Sending positive thoughts your direction.

  3. My dear you have been through too much ! I'm sending you healing (((hugs)))
    Surely someone 'up there' will smile on you soon and your luck will change.

    1. I really hope luck will come, 'cause I am fed up. thanks for the support guys ♥