I don't let go easily. It is particularly true for people and living things. For instance, I would stick to a situation or to people that I know are not good for me just because I don't have the strength to let go. I just can't separate myself from people I know and love, even if their love is toxic.
Just imagine then. if I have an total hard time to get away from a toxic situation, how letting go would be when it comes to an animal.
When it's time to make decisions ... when it's time to me THE decision.
Eole arrived with 3 walking paws yesterday morning. He was not even able to stand on one paw.
Emergency call to the vet.
"It looks like a broken paw"
"Radiographies (125$) and then possible surgery (around 300$) a night or two at the ward (150$), reeducation (almost impossible for a farm cat)"
My heart twisted.
First, I don't have that kind of money, second, there is 16 of them. If I start with one, it will never stop.
I looked at my husband...
"well let's make a radio" he said, then we will take a decision.
My head started spinning. Ok, if it's a broken paw, is it like the end? Would we drop the E word?
"We could let nature decide" said my husband.
In a way he was right. But on the other hand, will I be able to see him suffer. What's better life suffering or no life at all.
Eole is a lucky fella. As the vet was to put him on the radiography board, she felt a tiny hole in the paw. She took the razor, took some fur off and to her surprise discovered an infected wound that she was not able to feel during the exam. She came back and an injection of antibiotics later, Eole was in a cage in our yard, alive and "well".
I would have to learn to let go. I am sure that farm will teach me that.
When I love, I love deeply.
Eole at the vet: